Today my mind is a mess of anxiety, worry, a long to-do list, and all the other aspects that fill the heart and mind of a mother. Today I sit here staring at a blank computer screen thinking, “what am I supposed to write?”, “what do I have to share that is of value?”. I just want to curl up, put my pregnant body to bed, and hand my other three kids the iPad in hopes it will keep them busy and distracted while mom “checks out” of motherhood for a while because, after all, I think I have to write this amazingly impactful blog post for you (get over myself, right? I’ll get to that so hang with me). It is in this mess, God gently whispers, “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength” (Isaiah 30:15).
Yes, I remember but oh how easily I forget … forget his promises, his truth, my heritage as his daughter but right now I remember so I sit and stare at this blank screen, and I pray. I forget to go to the Father and ask him for help, for wisdom, for strength but right now I remember so I do. In my asking, He reminds me he gently leads his sheep (Isaiah 40). I am his sheep, He is my Good Shepherd (John 10). A sheep needs her shepherd to survive, to follow, to lead her.
It’s in this reminding that humility washes over me and I am exposed to sin that cleverly disguised itself: pride. Pride that my words are worth reading, my words have to feed your soul, my words have to mean something to you and be deeply impactful. This pride wasn’t screamingly obvious but more like a subtle noose around my neck (almost confused for a piece of jewelry instead of what it was … a noose of pride).
“In repentance…is your salvation”
At the cross, it’s all level playing ground, isn’t it? We can think we are greater than but the truth is, we all need Jesus’ as our Good Shepherd but pride loves to whisper sweet lullabies of lies to trick us into believing otherwise. There is nothing the enemy wouldn’t want more than for us to forget that any good and perfect gift comes from above (James 1:17). The enemy wants us to forget, to think we are more than because this a place where pride can fester and grow and breed more sin and separation from our Savior. God wants us to remember him, his goodness, love, and the freedom we’ve found in him because this our testimony.
Today, I sit here no longer staring at a blank computer screen. I have been humbled and use my fingers to punch out the very last words of this piece. Let there be NO confusion that I am nothing without Jesus, yet can have some audacity because of him. Anything good that comes from me is because of the miraculous work he has done (and continues to do) through me. God’s word is what gives life, not my words, experiences, stories, or teachings and that is where true life starts and ends … not my writings.
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You can read more from Maria at: www.awomannamedfree.com
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