My parents died in a plane crash 5 years ago. Every year, on the anniversary of their death, it’s hard, really hard. I always take time out of my day to stop, reflect and remember. I want to remember. I want to remember the good but I also want to remember the pain of that phone call, the nightmare of their death and the days and months following. Why? Because it’s the depth of my pain [over their loss] that reminds me just how crazy over them, how deep my love for them truly was. I want to remember. I want to feel pain.
Jesus. Jesus died on the cross for my sins. Jesus rose from the dead. Jesus saved me from hell. I can be with Jesus in eternity forever and ever because of today. Jesus.
As a Christian, I ramble these truths off like I’m reading a magazine article with the latest celebrity gossip and it wasn’t until this year that I was really broken over this reality. It wasn’t until this year I realized something is not right here.
My parents die and my grief naturally draws and takes me to a place of wanting to miss them, even wanting to feel the pain of their absence. Jesus dies to save my life, is the reason I have the ability to extend any love and, instead of grief, I feel…well, not much. His death has always made me want to remember and reflect but in a distant, trivial kind of way. His death has never, until this year, made me want to grieve [my sin and his death] to the core. It’s not right. It just can’t be right because if it is, I’ve made idols out of my parents. I have to love him more. I have to…
Help us learn to love you more. Help us learn what it means to even love you. We know you are good. We know you love us. Your word is so clear about who you are, but life can get so messy and trip us up and confuse us. You are not a God of confusion and so we move in accordance to your word.
1 Corinthians 14:33 (ESV) “For God is not a God of confusion but of peace”
Luke 10:27 (ESV) “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.”
Exodus 20:3 (ESV) “You shall have no other gods before me.”
2 Corinthians 12:9 (ESV) “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
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